"omg i get it now": and other things i say out loud when i realize stuff

i take huge pride in my realizations.

i feel like so much of what i am today is thanks to the many things i've come to realize as i lightly sauntered, effortfully waded, or laboriously dragged my feet through life. one could argue that i should be giving credit to the experiences that have whipped up the paths for these realizations, but i think we can agree that it's all just semantics.

i just like putting the emphasis on the realizations because it usually isn't until weeks, months, or even years after the life lesson is taught that i can say i actually get it. (although as an overthinker, sometimes i get premature realizations after just a few minutes or hours of frenzied internal reasoning. no, that's not a nice thing.)

anyway, before i go off on all sorts of annoying, unrelated over-explanations, let me just get to the point... after a few more unnecessary chika that i'll keep saying are needed for context.

i love this clip of kagome, the anime heroine whose love is the truest (imo)

when i broke up with my most recent ex, lots of caring people were extra nice to me, telling me the usual but nonetheless true comfort lines, "you'll be okay!" or "you'll meet the right one for you someday!" etc., and i mean, i'm super grateful, but i also wanted them to know that i was already okay, that i didn't have to wait for the "will be" because i was already feeling it.

so anyway, whenever those conversations happened, i always made it a point to let them know that although i was, in some way, in need of repairs, i wasn't fully damaged. i would say (and this is important), "i've never had anybody give me true love, but i still believe it exists." and then i'd flash them a cutesy smile, regardless of if we were talking in person or exchanging voice clips on messaging apps.

and i've said that line wayyy too many times in that short post-breakup phase when everybody would be checking up on the supposedly grieving person, but for some reason i felt like it lacked something. it was very real yet i knew it was an incomplete sentiment as it was.

as fate would have it though, last night, as i sat with the beer i had just guzzled with a slight resistance and mindlessly picked up my phone to open instagram, i was so unexpectedly gifted with my newest realization. 

one of my soul ates, ate giselle (@soulflowergoddess on IG), posted a reel with on-screen captions that said, "the only reason i believe in love is because of how i love," and it felt like i was hit by the realization truck squarely in the center of my face—the rest of my body just sat there, lifeless. whatever mental image you're getting from that previous line is the correct visual representation of "omg i get it now."

almost immediately, my stance on love has been made complete.

folks, with cheery pride and giddy hands, i present to you, my newest realization:

"i've never had anyone give me true love, but i know it's real because it's the only kind i give."

~

play exist for love by aurora